Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
