he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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