Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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