i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
