I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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