sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This is the high leading the old right now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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