$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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