i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
honey bunches of taint.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
