you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
