Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
