It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
