oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
