dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
