tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
cat food counts as protein by the way
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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