Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
