I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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