Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
