So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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