i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I need water and some morals
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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