i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
