And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
