Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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