You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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