I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
