i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
