We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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