Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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