my vag is so smooth its legendary
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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