I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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