maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
