She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
