im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hippo gnu deer
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
