remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
