I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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