He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
