I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
