Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
