i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
