the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
