ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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