I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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