Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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