oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
