I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
