38 yer olds are good kisserssss
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
