I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
