He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
