You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
