garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
