just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
